The Prescotian Webzine

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Prescotian Limericks courtesy of Anons on the Prescotian Forum
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There once was a teacher called "Beak"
Who's nose looked into next week
With a snort and a snore
He'd say "See me at four!"
And gave me detention, what cheek!
 
Willy Gornall we had for P.E.
Bill Ford was O.K with me
But the showers were cold
And I'd be so bold
As to stand there and take a short pee!
     
For French we had Mrs Fairfax
Pronunciation perfect and not lax
But with such a pair
She made us all stare
Our blood pressure up to the max.
 
For the school it was money well spent
On White Hart House up in Dent
The fells we would climb
It was great at the time
And our teacher Roy T was a Gent!
     
Joe Kirk would blow on his horn
With gusto from dusk until dawn
Whilst reading sheet music
He'd almost abuse it
His face turning pink as a prawn
 
Roy Taylor loved plants and loved trees
His students felt always at ease
He did not care a fig
That he wore a strange wig
And he taught us the "Birds and the Bees".
     
Wearing black cloaks they could've been freaks
Frightening innocent newts with red cheeks
Down the corridors a runnin'
T'was not Batman and Robin
But Elmer and JCS Weeks!
 
In the toilets graffiti we'd scrawl
On the doors and all over the wall
Our desks fared no better
Full of inky blue letters
But the punishment (if caught) made us bawl!
     
It felt great to get out of class
Have a run, kick a ball, make a pass
But then we'd see Ted
His face scarlet red
Shouting "Oi,Gerroff my bloody grass!"
 
For the toilets outside you had to be courageous
Most of us sure that something in there was contagious
With a line of boys taking a leak
The stench so strong it made the place reek
And we had a Tuck Shop next door, how outrageous!
     
With his black robe and eyebrows outmoded
In Room 6 we'd get drilled and be goaded
Into being aware
Of the dangers in there
Or else, "Stoddy" just simply exploded.
 
English Lit. was a pleasure for me
Reading Steinbeck, Golding and Lee
And sometimes we'd look
Not in a great book
But the delights of the Mirror's page three

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